Five Tips for Contacting Genetic Cousins

Prior to contacting a genetic cousin, perform a preliminary search to estimate the potential nature of the relationship, what ancestral line may be the source of the shared DNA, and whether there are any shared ancestral locations, surnames or ancestor. Including details from this preliminary search in initial contacts can increase the chances of a response. (This article first appeared in DNA Discovery and has been republished here with permission). 

In all genealogical investigation, researchers are tasked with navigating the dispersed traces of their ancestors’ legacy. Recorded snippets of ancestors’ lives are often spread across multiple repositories, archives, and collections due to the ways in which governments, churches, and other organizations interacted with an individual and recorded information about that person’s life. Physical and real property may have been divided and passed down to the descendants. Similarly, different families descending from the same ancestor may have passed on unique traditions, stories, photographs, or records relating to their shared ancestor. 

Just as collaboration and correspondence with the different heirs and custodians of the physical and documented fragments of an ancestor’s legacy can aid in illuminating a more complete picture of that individual’s story, so too can collaboration with different genetic heirs aid in uncovering a more complete genetic picture of an ancestor’s heritage.

Descendants of an ancestor inherit different types and portions of that individual’s DNA and therefore have different segments of DNA inherited from the ancestor. In turn, they share different amounts of DNA with genetic cousins, and perhaps even different genetic cousins altogether. Collaboration with genetic cousins can corroborate family stories, provide additional data points for analysis, and help to break through challenging research obstacles.

Following are some of my best tips for contacting and working with genetic cousins.

1. Prepare the Genetic Cousins Through Preliminary Research

Before reaching out to a genetic cousin, perform preliminary research to determine as much as possible about the relative. Information obtained through these preliminary searches may increase the chances that an initial message will result in a response. Use any and all clues associated with a match’s profile to narrow down potential relationships.

Armed with those clues, researchers might also search for additional information in social media and public records. Some questions to consider include:

▪ How much DNA does the genetic cousin share with the test taker, and what are the possible levels of relationship? (See DNA Painter’s Shared cM Project Tool.)

▪ What profile details (age, residence, occupation, family trees) might aid in identifying the nature of the genetic cousin’s relationship?

▪ Do the ethnicity admixture results of the genetic cousin offer clues regarding the source of shared DNA with the test taker?

▪ Who are the shared matches with the genetic cousin, and what could that information indicate regarding the likely ancestral line through which the genetic cousin may be related?

Answers to these questions might help researchers determine who a genetic cousin is and how the person is related to a test subject. Since collaboration efforts with genetic relatives are often focused on discovering this same information, it may be tempting to forgo collaboration if the relationship to a genetic cousin has already been ascertained through preliminary research. Even so, it can still be beneficial to contact the match for confirmation of the relationship, additional family details, and collaborative research efforts.

If preliminary searches do not immediately lead to the identification of a match and the exact relationship, answers to the questions above can help researchers customize their communication to include the names, surnames, or ancestral localities of ancestors who might be the source of shared DNA with the genetic cousin. Providing these details in initial communication can catch the attention of matches, give them a foundation for clarifying their relationship, and help them feel more at ease in sharing information.

2. Formulate a Clear Purpose and Consider The Audience

Collaboration with genetic cousins is most helpful when researchers are working toward a clear research objective and can highlight the reasons why they are contacting particular genetic cousins. In sharing this purpose, researchers should briefly explain their goals, why they are reaching out to the genetic cousin, and why they need that specific genetic cousin’s help.

It can be helpful to customize the correspondence, so the reader sees that the researcher is reaching out individually rather than sending a form message to many relatives. Include elements from preliminary research, with the aim of making a response from the genetic cousin as smooth and effortless as possible. Rather than sharing the entire body of a researcher’s previous studies (which might leave a reader confused), communicate the purpose clearly and concisely and then highlight the need for collaboration with the genetic cousin. For example:

Dear John,

My name is Peter and I am contacting you to request your assistance. Over the last several years I have been working to identify the biological father of my great-grandmother, Ann Hochstetler born in 1821 in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. Based on the matches you share with me, I suspect you might be related through her unknown father. To learn more, I need the help of genetic cousins like you to find out how you are related to other potentially pertinent genetic cousins…

3. Make Specific Requests for Your Genetic Cousins

In addition to clearly communicating the overarching goal, specify the help needed. To avoid overwhelming a relative in an initial contact, prioritize the most important assistance desired from a genetic cousin and make one or two clear requests. Some ideas for helpful requests include:

▪ names of grandparents (rather than a family tree—the cousin may not know how to create a tree or have the time to create one)

▪ confirmation of descent from a suspected ancestor

▪ information on amounts of shared DNA or known relationships to shared genetic cousins (knowing how much DNA they share with shared relatives or how they are related to shared relatives can help construct the broader family context)

▪ information about genetic cousins not shared in common which might help narrow the source of shared DNA (if a paternal first cousin is not a shared match, then the connection is more likely through the maternal side)

▪ screenshots of information from their results

▪ access to test results (perhaps after first establishing contact)

These and other elements can help provide additional evidence when evaluating relationships and determining the source of shared DNA between a test taker and a genetic cousin. If a genetic cousin responds and expresses interest and willingness in helping further, researchers might consider making further requests and building upon the collaboration.

4. Offer Assistance in Exchange

When requesting information, it can be helpful to offer assistance in exchange. Some ideas include:

▪ the names of the researcher’s own family

▪ photographs of pertinent family members

▪ documents and research reports on shared ancestors

▪ access to the researcher’s own test results

▪ offers to build a match’s family tree

▪ keeping the genetic cousin updated on research progress

Researchers who include a specific offer in their correspondence with a genetic cousin should be sure to follow up and follow through on any commitments, promises, or offers made. By combining clear descriptions of goals, specific requests, and generous offers in return, researchers incentivize the collaboration of genetic cousins and make them stakeholders in solving a family history mystery.

5. Exercise Patience and Plan When to Move On

Many genetic cousins may have received a DNA test as a gift, or they may have taken it to learn more about medical history or ethnicity rather than pursuing a specific interest in genealogical research. Some test takers never return or login to their account after the initial posting of their results. Others may have lost their login details, forgotten about the test, or even died since they took the test. Yet others may receive a message, but ignore it, forget to respond, or need more time to consider if they would like to collaborate.

For these and a host of other reasons, genetic cousins may take several weeks, months, or even years to respond to initial contact attempts or may never respond at all. Rather than placing research efforts on indefinite hold, plan how much time to grant to genetic cousins while awaiting a response—perhaps a few weeks or a month. After that time frame, follow up one or two more times, through the same contact method or by alternative forms of contact.

If no response is received after three or four attempts, avoid pestering or bullying through continued contact attempts. Move on and consider other avenues for obtaining the needed information including additional research on the genetic cousin, correspondence with shared genetic cousins, or descendancy research from potential common ancestors.

Conclusion

By performing preliminary research, communicating clear purposes, making specific requests, offering helpful assistance in return, and exercising patience in communication and follow up efforts, researchers can more efficiently obtain information from key genetic cousins who may have information, stories, documents, unique genetic relationships, and other details to help in resolving family history mysteries. Following the above tips can help researchers more frequently achieve successful communications in genetic genealogy research.

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